mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
