1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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