Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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