Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
