i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
