hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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