While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
