the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
