omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
