We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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