His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
