He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
