Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
