1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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