Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
