In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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