dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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