I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My penis needs a shock collar
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
