I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
