My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
