Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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