uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
