Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
