Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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