I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
