I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
