Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
