Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a hot homeless man
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
