she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
