nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
