i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
