Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
