I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
