We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
