In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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