i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
