So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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