I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
