I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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