lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
