Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
