Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
