spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
