She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
