by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
