The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
