ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
