Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
