so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
a search helicopter?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
