well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
