Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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