it was like his penis was on wheels.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
